Disappointed, plus some birds.

I went to a lecture by some published children's and young adult book authors. I was so disheartened and discouraged by the end of the 50 minutes that I actually shed a real tear on the way home. It wasn't a wah wah tear, just one that made me realize how much I do care and believe in art and writing as a way of shaping the world for good. It was more in the way that I get emotional way too easily and I can't help it, I am a watery-eyer (you should ask my cousin about watching the Biggest Loser every Tuesday together). Luckily, I don't think Carl noticed the pauses mid-sentence or the brisk wind in my eye.

In this lecture, nothing about artistic merit or quality work was even close to mentioned. Rather, the discussion revolved around the fact that you don't have to write anything of value, or be a good artist or writer to publish, you just have to know how to play the game right. And contributing something new? something not done or a piece of work that might really make people think? Don't even consider it. The publishers want something "new and fresh", but that's already been done before. No boundary pushing. You won't get anywhere that way.

Don't we want our kids to think hard and question? Don't we want the parents who have to read the books to children to also think and be uplifted by what they are taking into their home. The books I read as a kid literally shaped my view of the world; Roald Dahl, Rudyard Kipling, Strega Nona, The Eleventh Hour, Blueberries for Sal, Beatrix Potter, the old Winnie the Pooh, Beverly Cleary, a rather extensive list could continue.

I am so grateful for my parents and grandparents for having good books and for reading them to us, or for sometimes not reading them to us, but just looking with us. Bless especially my mom for taking us to the library every single week, sometimes with bags of books so big it took two of us to carry them to the car. In the lecture today, there was not one comment about the purpose of children's literature or the possibility it has to make the world a better place.

Granted, the people speaking were successful in the business, and I imagine that they do care about their craft, and they are correct about many things, but I feel like it was not the place for me, I wouldn't be successful in that arena. They were nice people and I think given a different context, I would have a lot to learn from them, but the overall picture was hard to swallow. So where does that leave me? I've been thinking about it all day. I think I may just self-publish a small run of books and do a book tour of sorts. I would rather 500 people receive a book that means something to them than make a bunch of money that I don't feel is my honest effort or intention. Does this sound totally snobby? I hope not. I think it might. I was just so sad to realize that one of the areas in which I felt that creativity and intellect were valued over making tons of money was actually not so. (that is not to say that i have all the creativity and intellect, just that I hope to challenge myself in that direction). So this has turned into a bit of a rant. I do feel like there are things to learn from understanding the industry, and the professor I met with earlier that spoke a little tiny bit in the lecture was so nice, and I've heard many fantastic things about him, I just feel like I don't know where to start with this project in terms of making things beyond little watercolor paintings. Any suggestions, advice, corrections? In the meantime, here are some birdies.

This cardinal does not want to stay inside and practice the piano. All his friends are playing four square outside.
This bird just bought a new blue mink for the fancy party downtown. She thinks it was perhaps a bit overpriced.
This warbler is sweet and obedient, like a second oldest child.
This blue bird wants another piece of cake please.