The Big Blog Conversation.

*disclaimer:  this is a rather long post, with a lot of ideas. I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions.  Stick with me, I think these are things worth taking a moment to really consider and think about.  I just realized that last sentence made things sound like they are about to get dire and real serious, they are not, don't worry. 

One of the best lessons I've learned about reading and writing poetry is that a poem is not autobiography, nor is it beholden to real life events or even real people.  When reading a poem, it is easy to assume that the narrator is the writer and that everything that happens in the poem is true to life.  Most times that isn't the case.  My thesis advisor and favorite professor always said that as soon as you start putting words onto the paper, your responsibility is to the poem, and not to accurately represent history, events or even people.   Some people may disagree, but I think that you'd be hard-pressed to find a good poem that doesn't enhance, change, manipulate, or edit real life events in order to get the right image, thought or language across to the reader.  I don't think there is anything wrong with that because when a reader comes to a poem, they are aware of the medium and they know that a poem's job is not to portray reality exactly, but to provoke thought.

However, there is another medium that is far more prominent in our lives, but is not nearly so transparent as the poem, though these two share many similar qualities.  The blog.  The blog, like all other forms of writing, photography and art, is a medium that can and is manipulated according to its creator.

I've had a similar conversation about blogs with many different people a dozen times in the past months.  I think we've all engaged in the dialogue at least once.  It goes something like 'why aren't blogs more honest?' 'Blogs give us a false sense of who and what we should be because everything looks so perfect' 'some blogs make us feel like we are not good enough because we don't look, do, act, a certain way' etc... The conversations aren't meant to be petty, or gossipy.  These quandaries are simply a product of what is around us and what influences us.  I've had my, albeit small, bit of frustration with blogs that portray lives as perfect and shining, always.  I think that there can be sadness or depression that is produced when there is a 'keep up with the Jone's' type attitude because of what we see on popular blogs. This attitude is not even based on what is tangible, but based on a brief internet view via photographs and paragraphs. As I've done more thinking, I want to talk about another angle of this blog conversation that seems easy to bypass because it involves taking a closer and harder look at ourselves.

Blog writers seem to get a lot of guff for being too perfect, too cute, too fashionable, all of the time.  They get criticism and sometimes even angry people (I don't feel angry btw) who want them to be more open, more real.  What seems easy not to take into account, however, is that 'the blog', just like everything else is its own medium.  Just like a novel, or a painting, or a music piece.  The blog doesn't so readily announce its medium though, letting us know that just like anything else, the content is edited, arranged, and displayed according to the creator. It is easy to forget that the person in charge of the blog can arrange things according to what they want the reader to see. Many blogs are honest, and are based on real life, and some people's lives just really are that good, but I think we are doing ourselves a disservice if we convince ourselves that the people writing those blogs have perfect lives, better than our own.  Am I the only one thinking these things?  I hope not, otherwise I am looking rather foolish right now.

I am in my own process of turning responsibility inward on myself rather than blaming pretty bloggers or perfect instagrammers. I love the first paragraph 'Being Enough', a book by Chieko Okazaki. She says, "All too often we compare our light with our very brightest moments or with someone else's brightest moments, and it makes the darkness deeper around us...I want to explore 'being enough'." If I feel annoyed that my house, hair, child, party, life, outfit, wit, etc... is less than picture perfect, letting myself feel annoyed is my own problem, not anyone else's.   We tend to assume that anything on a blog or any photo on instagram is straight non-fiction, which in a lot of ways it is, but there is also an element of fiction to what shows up on a blog or in a photo.  This happens simply because there is no way that a blogger can always, or should always divulge the sticky details of their lives.

Coming to this realization has actually done me so much good.  I started to see myself pushing responsibility further and further from my own hands, and then brushing them off and saying 'those perfect bloggers and their perfect lives are making me think that I have less.'  In actuality, that isn't true, and it's an irresponsible way for me to act.  I am learning that as I dive into (which I don't even do all that often) the world of blogs, I am accountable for how I come away from those blogs feeling.  No one else.  I can be accountable for thinking critically about the medium of a blog.  I can consciously recognize that although [insert your favorite blogger] may look absolutely adorable in every photo (which she does), her life also has its challenges, even if she doesn't write about them, I think it is safe to assume they are there.  It is not her responsibility to write about them if she chooses not to because she is in charge of what she does and does not reveal, and that is totally fine.

It seems that we often do a great disservice, and honestly, a little bit of cheapening of our own agency when we allow ourselves to believe that because a party looked so perfect, or the photo of someone's living room is clearly superior to your own, or the things they eat are more lavish, or their clothes seem cooler, that we are somehow less.  I think we are also letting go of a bit of our own courage when we allow ourselves to blame our laments  and frustrations on someone else.  It is easy to say, 'a blog made me feel that way', it is hard to say, 'I may not ever throw a party like that, or be able to wear that outfit, or have a child who wears that outfit, and that is fine and there is no reason to lament.'  It is sometimes hard, but also the most rewarding and wonderful thing to turn our gaze away from our internet, instagram, Facebook world and look around you only to realize that you do indeed have the very best things, and they are not things that you cannot touch, they are not photographs, but most likely, real things and people.

Most likely little things with scrubby faces, who like to eat things off the floor (this could be a dog or a child), or fingerprinted windows that we look out to see a favorite scrappy plant, or a dirty bowl next to the sink that remind us how good last nights ice-cream was.  Most likely we will see real things, pertaining to a real life that is awash with the difficult and the divine.  We will see messes, but also a place to call home.  We will see real imperfect people trying to do their best and not just photographs of people.  A blog, however lovely, cannot accurately portray all of these wonderful things, or all of these sad or difficult things, which somehow also make life good.  Nor should a blog have to.  A blog is a fine medium for what it is, it does a lot of good to connect us to other people, even rally support and succor friendship, but I think we should be careful to never be tricked into thinking that the blog of someone else is better than the life you get to live.


"It may not be for many years,  it may not even be in this life, that you will understand how great and glorious your works truly are. (Okazaki 22)"