5.31.2013

New as Moths

Ever since Thea was born, the air outside my front door blinks with hundreds of tiny moths.  In the right sunlight, their wings silhouette open and close like a colony of beating hearts hung from the tree branches.  Remy has a miniature net and whenever I can't find him in the house, I spy him through the screen door working silently with his net casting wildly through the air.  Sometimes he actually catches the flickering bugs and sometimes he just squishes them and smears their soft, brown dust across his pudgy hands. He doesn't yet know the difference between ending something and simply capturing it.

Gentle, little Thea Harper has been with us just a little over three weeks now, and I find myself already feeling nostalgic for the tiny, soft body she hasn't yet even begun to grow out of.   There is something magical in newness.  The kind of magic I thought I'd given up on when I was 25.  Not 25 for any particular reason, I just thought that I'd made up in my head the notion that the feeling really existed and that at 25, I'd finally grown up.

Today though, for a fleeting moment in particular, I was reminded that I was wrong to ever believe that life isn't full of quick, perfect moments, like the wings that spring open and closed before we can even stop to recognize what they are doing.  We were at a park, Remy was running through the grass and clover patches waving a stick in front of him and I was holding Thea who had just woken up.  She opened her eyes wide and slowly moved her rosebud lips into a little 'o'.  She spent a long time just looking up and after a time, I realized that the tree we were under, with its thousands of rustling leaves and lacy bits of sunshine coming through was just as new to her as she is new to me.  I thought to myself about how she is grasping the world, just a little bit at time, like the silent movement of moth wings, or the momentary snippets of sunlight through the leaves.  And though this world won't make sense to her for some time, there is no harm in letting its newness wrap itself around her.

I guess what really got to me this afternoon is the way these small things have always been around me, rustling in the wind or living out their short, moth lives, and I don't think I even noticed them until I saw tiny people grasping at them as if there was nothing else more important or magical in all the world.  So yes, there is beauty in newness, but that doesn't necessarily mean we have to obtain something new to take part in the magic that has been there all along.

Song: Featherstone by Paper Kites

11 comments:

emilia. said...

so happy for this post. i have been thinking about similar things, for reasons that have nothing to do with the miraculousness of babies. but, is perhaps all part of the same miracle.

i love you.

Ashley mae Christensen said...

emily,
I think you are right, it is all part of the same miracle. xo

Shelly said...

I just really don't have any words, Ash. Other than I'm glad you're writing again:)

Heath said...

so what if i just cried

Rachel (and Will) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachel (and Will) said...

I love your words! And your thoughts on the moths are much more beautiful than my weariness of the moths.

Deja said...

So happy to meet you back in this space, seeing the world profoundly and telling us what you see. It can't be easy to find the writing time with two little ones, so thank you. It matters to me.

Blue Cheese said...

Beautiful, my friend.

Katt said...

I love your perspective on life. Just lovely.

sara said...

remy rolling down that hill!
made me so happy.
and you, you always make me feel just right.

Lia said...

confession: i've watched this video about ten times since you've posted it, sneakily without leaving any real comment. but i had a moment yesterday, when i was riding a bike down the dark of the night street when a little flash on my right made me stop and wonder, and i realized that the fireflies have been flashing and twirling about all along, but it was just that moment i was destined to seem them.
i love you so, and i love little thea so much, and can't wait to meet her.