12.09.2008

Sometimes I get scared of writing words. So i just post lots of ridiculous pictures of me in my family's office sitting at the computer doing strange tasks or wearing outrageous items of clothing. I'm not quite sure what makes me nervous about writing, maybe it's the fear of writing something totally ridiculous or dumb, maybe it's fear of seeming to personal, or actually being personal, and then realizing that perhaps no one actually reads your words. Whatever the case, I haven't been writing much lately, anywhere.

I finally took myself over to the bookstore and purchased a black moleskin journal, trendy, I know, but come on, that little pocket at the back? I thought I was buying the one like Elisa gave me for Christmas last year, with thick, watercolor pages. I filled mine up within the first 7 months, and then after a broken off engagement, maybe got nervous about how history gets recorded. Sometimes I don't know what to do with old journals. I have a whole shelf of them.
So, I opened the journal I had purchased and found that instead of the thick pages I had imagined, there were 280 thin pages, just for writing. At first I thought, 'I'll just take it back'. but then I thought more, and said to myself, "no, I'll just write. I'll write down everything I think to write down, whenever I have a moment." and that is just what I plan on doing. Recording the details of my wee life with meticulous dedication, or spontaneity, whichever comes first on that day, for who and when and why, I am not entirely sure.

I'm sorry, i don't know why i just wrote a whole blog post about journaling, the wasn't meant to be a young womens lesson. just give me some time, i'll get back into the groove.

5 comments:

Ann Marie said...

I think this post is absolutely lovely. I hope you write more.

shelly said...

Ashley. Just DO NOT do what I did! Before I got married, I read through a couple of my diaries -- full of high school and early college years' thoughts and feelings. I thought it all sounded silly and I didn't really want anyone else to read it, so I chucked them. Right in the trash. I was in my bedroom in the house on Bannock Dr. - I remember it clearly -- thinking, "I wonder if I'm making a mistake."

I'd give anything if I had those back! If I were to do it again -- for history's sake, I would write a disclaimer for my children to read. Some day after I died...

Club Narwhal said...

i am so glad you wrote this. i have been thinking about journals lately (particuarly my very poor journal-keeping this past year) and this motivated me start again!! thank you

Sofia Deyanira said...

The black moleskin sounds lovely. And if you are more of a typist you can keep a private journal blog as well. I highly suggest writing what doesn't get said and saying what doesn't get written via discussions or blogging. Do not fear being yourself in front of all the world. Do not be afraid of your limitless potential and fruits of this life. Hey, I just inspired myself.

p.s. Darcie's new Sleepy Fox is wonderschon! You two are both so amazing I want to shout for joy.

Brooke Stoneman said...

People think that writing in a journal is easy breezy because you're the only one who reads it (while you're alive anyway) - but that's the scariest part because only you know if you are full of crap or not. Your posterity will believe anything you write, but to stare at a blank page and admit to who you really are is a truly terrifying and amazing thing to do. Never stop.